I didn’t see Him with my bodily eyes but with the eyes of my soul. One night, I called out to Jesus, and I asked for help, with more faith than I knew I possessed and suddenly He was with me. I was not only ill for a long time but was lonely, and afraid. Resolving to pray regularly, I began to behave as well as I thought a Christian ought to behave, trying to be more charitable and - through my struggles - becoming aware of my many faults. Even though I had forgotten or ignored for a long time that great gift of Divine Life, I discovered, through prayer, that the Giver was still living within my soul, ready to receive me into His life and love, through Christ. When I turned in prayer to God, at twenty-one years old, I was a free soul, at last whole-heartedly acknowledging my dependence on Him and I was able to pray with confidence and hope because of the grace given to me long before, in Baptism. I began to practice again what I believed were the essentials of the Christian faith, as it had been taught to me in childhood in my Anglican home. He had been drawing me towards Himself, by His grace. I didn’t realise that He is infinitely kind and had already been ‘searching’ for me, so to speak, in my darkened heart and mind. Many years ago, as a young adult, I thought that I was looking for God.
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